Not really connecting with CONNECTIONS...

     Throughout my academic career I have had the opportunity to be in multiple positions of leadership due to my intellectual and physical capabilities. I've been the president of clubs, captain of teams, even section leader in band, but none of these were truly because I showed the traits of a leader. I was simply assigned or elected to these positions because I excelled at the activity itself and that seemed like qualification enough. However, as I embarked upon my junior and senior years in high school I wondered if I truly was a leader. I certainly thought I had been effective in my positions, but I had never felt a desire to do them. I merely felt obligated due to the pressures of others, so I took on the task. I thought consciously  that I wanted to be a leader; leaders get better jobs, get paid more, live happier more successful lives after all, and who wouldn't want that? 

     "Are you good enough to be a leader? Do you even have what it takes?" That question wouldn't unstick itself from the underside of my brain, and it didn't until very recently.

     When I accepted my admission to Texas Christian University and began making plans for school, an e-mail for CONNECTIONS happened to find its way to my  inbox. Still doubting and questioning my leadership abilities, I decided to sign up for the freshman-exclusive leadership program. I believed it would help me to discover if I was a leader or not, and if I wasn't it would mold me into one. Much to my dismay, my CONNECTIONS application including a meticulously cropped, 250 character essay on the leadership characteristics of Winston Churchill was for naught, because every single person who applied to be in this program was accepted. I walked into a ballroom of hundreds that first Wednesday, bewildered at the sheer number of other "leaders." 

     I didn't have any specific expectations about what I would be doing to better understand how to lead, but I probably should have known it would be tacky, outdated, and overused "leadership" exercises like mind-dumping and forming squares with string. To be honest I was severely frustrated. I had made a commitment to waste two precious hours every Wednesday for six weeks. (of which there are still two left) However, I have learned a valuable lesson from this colossal waste of time. Leadership is not something that can be taught. It can be learned, but not taught. Not being a natural leader in high school, being forced into leadership positions helped me grow as an individual, I learned through trial and error and by watching others what makes a leader effective while also learning how I connected and managed best. Leadership traits are learned and honed through the practice of leadership, not by sitting cross-legged in a circle and discussing how we all might one day possibly use these skills we may or may not learn in a leadership position that we could attain if it exists.I learned that I had already become a leader and could effectively grow as one in the future.  

     So for the next two weeks, I'll sit and discuss politely and try to entertain myself somehow while the sheeple around me try to turn their timid selves into "leaders." I guess I owe an apology to CONNECTIONS as well, it's not completely a waste of time. I will have learned a lesson that I can apply to my life that could be learned in about five minutes from a program that runs a total of twelve hours. Hey, .4% efficiency is still efficiency!